How to Survive CCA

Surviving Charter-
Advice and wisdom from a full term inmate

Alright, I admit it- I was sadistically amused as I watched my little brother struggle and throw a fit over his first week of sixth grade homework. Those were the good old days. “Buck up.” I told him with a twisted grin. “It only gets worse.” Even though I still don’t feel sorry for his plight, I don’t exactly wish him to be left hanging- or any other first timer either. I was there. I remember. I remember the first day of school- and awkward little blonde girl about four feet tall, embarrassed as her mom panicked over an accidental stain on her uniform. I remember begging random people to end my life- painlessly or not. I remember cursing my parents for forcing me to go to this fascist institution. The migraines, the tears, the boredom, the all night study sessions followed by emergency coffee shots in the morning. I remember worshipping the seniors and then finally reaching their status and feeling slightly gypped. And then I remember graduating and saying to myself, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad.”
And now looking back, there is a lot of wisdom that the charter gods fated me to figure out on my own- they are merciless after all. So, here is what I wish I would have known, but had to learn the hard way.

1. Homework is the worst in grades sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and only a little better in tenth. Sixth grade is a shocker for most kids- at least it was for me. Going from no homework to be blessed with multiple hours is enough to make a grown man cry- or make an eleven year old grow hair on their chest. Welcome to the savage charter jungle. Now, I can tell you not to procrastinate, but chances are you will. This is also an initiation process. Only the strongest learn to procrastinate and still manage to finish three hours of homework in half an hour, right before class. I don’t recommend it. Seriously. This isn’t your mansy-pansy public school. The teachers expect the best, and trust me, give it to them- or they’ll take your sanity. You might walk away with a “C”, but at least you will have your life.
2. A “B” is equivalent to Jason fetching the Golden Fleece- depending on the teacher of course. Congratulations! Grades here do not follow grades “out there.” Also, resist the urge to compare grades to your friends. Most of the time, it’ll just deal a severe blow to your self-esteem.
3. Somehow, even us nerds can form cliques. You have the popular nerds in one group, and the regular nerds in the other. In the end, you’re all nerds, and chances are, you’ll graduate together. So, start liking each other now.
4. On average, girls will always outnumber the guys. This is good for the guys but starts an ugly recycling system for the girls. In middle school, dating is more of a status symbol- it always has been. In high school, it’s the same. And somehow, girls always find a way to conjure up some ridiculous petty drama- stay away from those girls. They need more homework.
5. Dr. Proser and Mr. Nicklay are not as scary as they look. Trust me- they are pretty much the coolest kids on the block. Mr. Nickaly only pretends, and Dr. Proser is only scary when he does his lizard impersonation. Pay attention to this guy. Behind the bizarre acts and continuous flow of coffee rests the heart of Charter’s soul. You will never learn more in your life from anybody else. Pay attention.
6. Make sure Mr. Childs has a full supply of diet coke. If the basketball team loses the day before, be on your best behavior the next day.
7. When it comes to homework, never assume. You know what they say about assuming, right? No? Well, nevermind then. If you’re not sure if you should do something extra, that’s a good indication that you should do it. Even if you didn’t have to, you’ll be ahead or that much smarter. I remember writing an optional outline for Ancient History, which scored me a free pass on the final exam. Woot!
8. If you haven’t already figured it out, rolly backpacks are the biggest hallway sin you can commit. Speaking of hallways, yes, they have always smelled that way. No, you cannot change it. It adds to the ambience. So does your locker partners sixth month old potato salad.
9. Sparknotes is great, but don’t think your teacher isn’t smart enough to think you actually read your book. Sometimes, especially a certain English teacher (you know who you are :P) will throw in a random obscure quote and you’ll be left wondering where in Davy Jone’s locker that came from. And boys, don’t use sparknotes to avoid Jane Austen. Think of her as your personal tutor into the minds and dating scene of your common female. Or if you’re desperate, read Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies.
10. God is not going to save you. Study for your tests. Also, make sure there isn’t a backside.
11. Do your lab notebook EXACTLY how Mr. McCormick tells you. EXACTLY! No extra periods, black pen, and for Pete’s sake, only ONE line to cross out. None of this epileptic squiggle business. Learn how to spell Stoichiometry. Recognize the fact that a mole is not just a mammal and that Avogadro’s number is not the price of a fruit. Your grade will thank you.
12. Individuality is frowned upon. Do it when Big Brother isn’t looking.
13. You can have a social life or good grades. Not both- unless you are Batman, which you aren’t.
14. If it has to be microwaved, it’s safer just to avoid it.
15. Double space, Times New Roman 12, MLA format. Cite your sources! Cite them!
I have so many more of course. I could probably write a whole novel, but here are the basics. Trust me, I know you’ll probably hate this place for awhile. Stick with it. Once you get to college, you’ll feel like you’re in an episode of the Twilight Zone, repeatedly saying “I see dumb people.” And now, back to watching my little brother suffer.